My first real paper of Senior year! This is basically a book review of A Spiritually Healthy Divorce by Carolyn Call. I had to read it to do research for my thesis at the end of this school year.
A Summary and Analysis of A Spiritually Healthy Divorce
In A Spiritually Healthy Divorce, Carolyne Call explains the different aspects of a person’s life that are affected by divorce. Drawing from her own experience as a divorcee, her knowledge of psychology and bringing in anonymous examples from other divorcees, Call explains how to “navigate through the journey of separation to arrive on the other shore as a better integrated and more connected person” (Call. 2). Placing a focus on spirituality, Call shows how a person going through divorce can go through it and come out in one piece. A Spiritually Healthy Divorce does acknowledge that when a person goes through divorce, they are undoubtedly changed, but it shows them that they can change for the better and come closer to God in the process.
In the first chapter of A Spiritually Healthy Divorce, Carolyne Call outlines what she calls “The Dynamic Triad” (Call. 14). Call says, “My understanding of the spiritual nature of humanity is graphically illustrated in what I call the dynamic triad of Self-God-Others... What this complex rendering reflects if that you are constantly in relationship- with God, with yourself, and with others” (14). Call frequently refers back to this Triad throughout the book and uses it to show how when one part of your life is affected, it then affects the other parts of your life as well. This is especially true with divorce because divorce does not just affect one part, it affects all three. “It touches the very deepest parts of your self-perception; it can radically alter your connection with others; and it affects how you look at or relate to God” (15). Call also brings up the idea of a “spiritual map” (15). What this basically means is that once divorce happens, a person has to move forward with their life and with their spiritual life (17). In the process of moving forward, there are also certain “spiritual cul-de-sacs” (18). that a person can fall into. Call outlines in the following chapters just what some of these can be why they happen and how to get out of them and back on the path to spiritual recovery (19). A Spiritually Healthy Divorce does not provide a quick fix to getting over divorce, but rather presents a healthy way to move forward with life and also shows how a person can become closer to God through that process.
Each chapter discusses different aspects that are affected by divorce and how to deal with each of them. Each chapter will deal with one aspect, then break down and explain the smaller parts that make up that one aspect. Call then shows the different “cul-de-sacs” (18) that can occur and the other pitfalls that can happen along the way and how to move past them. At the end of each chapter there are “questions for reflection” (19) to help you see where you are at the end of each chapter and to help you discuss with your trustworthy friend, or your “compassionate mirror” (18). In each chapter, Call frequently brings in stories from people who dealt with similar issues related to the topic of the chapter. Though A Spiritually Healthy Divorce does not deal with the reasons for divorce or deal much with the actual divorce process, it does bring up the main spiritual and emotional issues that can come up after the decision to separate has been finalized.
One of the main spiritual and emotional issues that Carolyne Call brings up is the importance of humility (Call. 55) and how divorce affects a person’s self-esteem (45). Call breaks down the issue of self-esteem into two ways it can affect a person: people who regain their self-esteem and people who need to build up their self-esteem (48-49). People can regain their self-esteem after divorce because of “feelings of renewal and rebirth that can emerge from this experience” (48). There are also people whose self-esteem is weakened because of their divorce and “they need to remake or reconstruct their sense of self-esteem, often with very different components than those present during their marriage” (49). One of the ways that self-esteem can be reconstructed is by “cultivating humility” (55). Call says that “Humility is nothing more than radical self-honesty” (55). She goes on to say that when you lose your self-esteem you cannot make an honest assessment about yourself and that by pursuing humility you are heading towards being able to be honest about yourself, discover the truth about yourself and move forward from divorce a stronger person (56). Call also addresses some of the unhealthy behaviors that can appear as a result of divorce (68). Some of those are anger and depression (69), thoughts of suicide (71) and substance abuse (73). Call explains how to overcome these urges and how to take responsibility for your actions and reaction (74). A Spiritually Healthy Divorce also places an emphasis on relationships with others as well as God. “Your spiritual life is nurtured through your relationships when you spend time with others in prayer or worship, or when you experience intimacy and passion” (95). This book also places a strong amount of focus on God and how a person can become closer to God through divorce. Call acknowledges that divorce can disrupt a person’s relationship with God (148) but she also says, “Not only can you stand strong in the face of challenge, but trauma can actually spur growth within your spiritual life” (148). She also brings up the fact that when you trying to come closer to God after divorce, you may find that your relationship with God will be different and your understanding of Him can be different (148).
Call’s basic argument is that even though divorce is difficult to say the least, a person can come closer to God through the process of divorce and that their spiritual life can become stronger (Call. 1). The overall organization of A Spiritually Healthy Divorce is well thought out. The first half of each chapter outlines the main issue and breaks it down into smaller sub-issues while the second half of the chapter deals with how to overcome the problems presented and then ends with questions for discussion. Call does a good job of using consistent terms (Weston. 6), such as her idea of a “spiritual map” (Call. 15) and a “compassionate mirror” (18), throughout the entire book. Another thing that Call does very well is her use of multiple examples. She draws not only from her own experience of divorce but also takes the stories of others who have also gone through divorce. In A Rulebook for Arguments rule seven says “Generalizations about larger sets of things require picking out a sample... Large sets usually require more examples” (Weston. 11). Since the topic of divorce and what happens afterwards is a fairly broad topic, Call brings in multiple examples supporting the point being made in that chapter, reinforcing her argument. Call also brings in examples that do not always show the better side of divorce. She brings in examples of people who are struggling with relationships, religion or other things. Rule 32 says to “Consider objections” (54) and Call does this by bringing in examples of people having serious problems with their divorce and who do not always exemplify her original argument of people coming closer to God. Call says, “As it turns out, people who go through divorce are the most likely to fall away from religion altogether or, at the very least, change denominations” (Call. 39). By acknowledging the other side but then going on to show that people can make it through divorce while coming closer to God helps solidify her argument. While she does bring in many examples that she has found, she does not bring in many other resources. She quoted and mentioned other people and their books only a couple of times in the entire book. Carolyne Call herself is an ordained minister, has dealt with people considering divorce and those already going through it and has personal experience with divorce (Call. 2). She is also a “social scientist, [who has] conducted research on how divorce and spirituality intertwine and affect each each another” (2).
As a whole, A Spiritually Healthy Divorce is a helpful resource, including many examples both proving and going against Call’s main argument. Even though she does not bring in enough outside sources, Call seems to be a credible author and has a significant amount of experience in the field of divorce. The book also is well organized and gives the reader a comprehensive look at not only what to expect after divorce, but how to move forward with their life and come closer to God through the process.
Works Cited
1. Call, Carolyne. Spiritually Healthy Divorce: Navigating Disruption with Insight & Hope. Woodstock, VT: SkyLight Paths Pub., 2011. Print.
2. Weston, Anthony. A Rulebook for Arguments. 4th ed. Indianapolis: Hackett Pub., 2009. Print.
